Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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