no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
