Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
