fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He better not be in your backpack
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
