hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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