Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
