please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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