mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize