thus making me awesome and them whores
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
