I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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