HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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