I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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