your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
