Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
