I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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