love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
