Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
