Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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