wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
