Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think your dad took our porno
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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