You're completely useless in the revolution.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
