Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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