My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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