You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
