and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize