My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
