Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
