i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
