When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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