So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
