The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
