the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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