Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
