between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
