found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
