Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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