is your mom at the bar?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
