My liver just broke up with me...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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