We're facebook friends in real life
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you mean i was at the winter classic?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
