why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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