I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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