how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
