____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
