i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
