i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize