True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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