I wish my penis had an off switch
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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