Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
