If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
