i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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