He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
