It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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