well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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