gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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