i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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