whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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