very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
