just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
birth control should be required to get into college
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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