Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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