Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
