i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
