Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
