hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
